the last 30 seconds is how I get allllll mah men.
in reality: most of the kids I work with have moves, but some of them look like this and that’s when I’m all, “Oh wow you’re really good, go show Mr. T your moves.” or “Allright, you guys don’t have homework… go make up a breakdancing routine.” Or when I’m really bored me and my fave coworker will tell them we’re renting a bus, going to Hollywood, we have 15 open spots, and they have to show us their talent to get a seat. That’s when shit gets real interesting. I’m talking hoola hoops and tumbling across kickball fields interesting.
edit: Today I subbed middle school and I was drinking a 711 coffee 1st period. One said, so you shop at 711? I said, yes it’s the only place I get food from. He said, wait what. And I said, I only eat donuts, coffee and cheeseits from 711. Another kid said, but what about real food? And I said, sometimes I get a banana. They asked if I had any special talents. I told them I am really good at climbing trees because I wear special shoes that shoot out spikes that stick into the trees and yodeling. (they didn’t know what that was and I wasn’t about to even fake show them) Then I let them have a dance competition at the end of class for kind of listening. One boy kept asking about my boyfriend….. that is nonexistent but I pretended I did have one. “Is he still in high school? Does he work at 711?” OI VEY.
I think it is okay to say these things because I am a substitute. I’ll never see them again. Maybeee. Also, we’re both getting entertained, right?
♥
KIDS, AMIRIGHT?
Today at work I told 8 year olds that I had recently gotten fake eyes put in because I didn’t like the color of my old ones. I went through surgery: they put me to sleep, suctioned out the eyes, cut the skin, dropped in some glue and popped in new ones that had belonged to some dead guy. Then I had to wear eye patches for a week and really big, dark sunglasses for a month. They kept asking to see them and would be like, “yeah those do look like belonged to an old dead man.” And when they would ask to wear my sunglasses (or just straight up take them off my face) I would scream in pain because they’re still sensitive.
A lot of the kids keep coming up to me and are all, “you’re my favorite staff person here.” I hope they’re saying that because they are appreciative of my fake eye story and not because of my abilities to keep them from fighting/cursing.
♥